POEMS : 2009

2009-01-01

Sunlight drops and the dawn of two thousand and nine

There is a man

Swimming in the cosmos

I see him

In maps of the stars

I wonder

Who will celebrate

The holidays with him?

And what kind

Of holidays

Must those be?

Could I let myself

Be inspired again?

Should I hand

My heat

Should I foot?

My heart

Back over to you like that?

Like something Kentucky fried

Joe

Like something I've prepared you to consume

Or an episode

Of the shield.

I mean really!

Is this a trap?

? Begging

Me to become Buddha

Or give

Love over to you over and over again

Or am I meant to have Hawk eyes

Searching for dirty bags

On the street?

I count

My breaths til I hit

Twenty and

Start again

All my dreams

Are falsetto

I stay present

I see the branches

And the girls

And the bum

Who speaks of falling in love with aliens

And I am the master

Of their tears

Which will not fall

The ones locked in their eyes

Held hostage

By sunlight

Drops

Baby time is over now

In yer mind burning out

Hands are reaching thru the ground

To pull you down and in the clouds

Baby time is over now

When you speak you have to shout

And still yer quiet as a mouse

Living in a burning house

Goodbye momar you crazy bastard.

It's that dirty time of year

Emotions swung on a stick burning in some nonexistent forest

Of rat head and turpentine

Satan and Santa clays

Have you made it thru the holidaze?

Or are you the glaze on a duck roasting in the maze

Let's all make it thru these lunatic events

And then laugh at the other end of guilt regret shame and weight gain

Or else just laugh now and know that you will sometime later

In other words don't let the holidays throw you down the chimney and stuff you in some used sock

Ironically now's a goodtime for Buddhism

It's all a dream baby

Even and especially you

Just follow the breath on down the line

Until yer the light in summertime

Even as snow falls broken and cold

Over pains of a family insane and old

Noose

Wave gloves

Snow development and haiku

Plus I noticed lattes with soymilk making a big come back

New Yorkers are spaced in Manhattan

Drinking coffees with their children

Everyone here is abandoned in some kind of way

The black man with green sweater and blue snowflakes sticks his white beard in the New York post

As outside the streets like black glass are wet from the future of snow as miles Davis sounds his horn from beyond duke Ellington's piano

And if john cage were writing this I suppose he would include the voices all sounding together to make a symphony of chaos as the vents blow heat like the roar of some pretend crowd down in the outer reaches of a make believe Mexico

A little girl playing with straw wrappers is our chief soloist screaming questions at her smiling too old father

And the man

Black sits with his back playing piano just behind my head where the permanently cracking halo used to be

And this is the end of a year

A make believe quantity of time

For time is one long instant

Or one explosion of now

A now that goes on forever

And hardly recognizes anything about the past

In truth one could say that we here slowly and solely as keepers of the past

The little girl is crying now

Maybe our purpose is our memories

Without them there would be no more yesterdays

The little girl is talking to the black man who is holding a magnifying glass to her injured finger

They are fast friends

The parents are smiling at this hallmark moment

And now frosty the snowman is playing

And the man tells the parents to take her home before she catches Santa coming in

They take his advice and leave in a flash

And we are left here as we were

One long moment

Abandoned in the city

I got stuff

Like more stuff than is right or expert or holy

I moved so much stuff

Out of the big old badass crucifixion that was momar

Over the last two months

That u my dear reader would not believe

And I wasnt alone

There was a team albeit a small one

Infact some of you may know that I tried to avoid it altogether

I had the universe even make me an excuse

Something about opening shows across Europe

But momar

That very kingly and epic place

That place of legend and myth

And dogs barking

Dogs of hell next door

Being tortured at night in that god-forsaken pet. Store

Anyway I digress

I had a team of warriors

Pat cerise molly beck patty

And Lauren our fearless team leader

Oh brother dear reader I do not exaggerate when I tell you it was hard

And when I say hard I mean on the level of torture hard

I have more things

Than is right

And it's because I am a painter and music maker a leper and leech

I was dead before I got out of first grade. The fact that I'm now almost something quite older

Is a testament to the sustaining power of dreams and the stubborn indifference of the dreamer to see what is real or the facts as they are. This is the story of a suicide that never swallowed the handful. A suicide that never pulled the trigger. A suicide that never used his belt for anything other than keeping his pants on or improving his sex life. This is the story of a nomad who went nowhere at all dead before the end of grade one and now nearly here

In the dawn of a new year

Rejoice dear reader

Rejoice

We have made it for now

---

2009-01-04

wha hoo

We used to play this game

In West Virginia

Called wah hoo

Kinda like a monopoly thing but it had an Indian theme

Colored marbles

A leather board

My grandmother loved this game

Her smile was like traffic lights turning green when we would play

The family

My sister my mom and me

Maybe a cousin or two

I think only four could play but maybe it was six.

Something magical about that game

Rolling dice and moving marbles around an old leather board with an angry Indian staring at us in the middle

All he could say was "wah hoo."

Nothing was there to protect us

In a little house in the back hills of West Virginia

Fire station next door

Sounding its alarm randomly

Enid having fun with us

Giggles and competition regarding which the dice would favor more

Who was lucks best friend?

I wonder where that board is now

Did it get tossed when they passed?

When Enid forgot who we were did that Indian come for her

Sometime in the night

Take her hand

And say, "the dice have rolled for you"

And did they both wander off dancing

To a simple beat

And chant

Wah hoo

---

2009-01-20

the crash

If I died tonight would I be proud of the way I conducted my life?

The seventeen year olds face was bloody

In the night our van slammed into snowy road driver side

She swerved in front of us

Sibyl driving

Us in the back watching a movie without seatbelts

On down the road

Like we had countless times before

Countless lives before

Only this time we were stopped by damned youth on their way home from shitty fast-food jobs

I got out quick the van was still halfway on the road

Forked in 90 degrees the trailer smashed up against the back

Sibyl ran to the girl

When she got out we heard cymbals crash

Like the end of a bad song

Or waking up into a nightmare

Sibyl had said oh god we’re gonna crash

And then I looked up and saw the car in front of us

And it all went slow and fast at the same time

I grabbed hold of my seat and then

We crashed

And the world spun as nature and fate kicked us back and forth

Like a hackey sack over dantes inferno

Or a junkyard soccer ball wanting a goal at the gates of heaven

Only this time we hit the post and bounced back into the field of the living

Our lives

These terribly delicate things

Just hanging there like needle and thread

Over the holes in the world

A passenger was walking in the cold with black short sleeves

In a state of shock

Was I and he

Getting out from a visionless space onto the scene of threatening chaos

You are bewildered and hyper present

I told wiz and Kraig to get out of the van whose front end was all smashed and pressed against the wheel

Everyone seemed to be ok

Kraig said his leg was hurt and gave a scream right after it happened

Wiz seemed all right

I turned on the hazards and went up the bank of snow to the girl whose face was dark with blood and motionless except for a quiver

Has anyone called 911? I asked.

Yes but call again said sibyl

I got my phone but it took a second to figure out how to use it

Still in shock I guess

Even now as I write still just thinking of the girl

As her face came alive as I was

On the phone with operator

The girl squealing like a wounded animal

So frightened

Why is my face wet?

Squealing

I don’t want to die

My back hurts

Sweetie don’t move

It’s the only thing 911 said

That and the ambulance is coming

And no yer not gonna die

But how did I know

I didn’t

She was real fucked up

Her driver side door all caved in from the front of a big van and trailer

Heading down the highway

Soon a cop came

Then another

And another

And then emergency workers and firemen until there was a whole city of lights and emergency vehicles created around the scene

And suddenly night was day as big lights were hoisted all around off of trucks and things

And a big crew of emergency workers around her trying to eradicate her from her phony metal tomb

Her fear her squeals as they rolled her onto a stretcher ran from the ice around my frozen feet up into my heart and into the center of my mind

The absurdity of life and death and the thin line it’s all built upon

Now here

In this hotel

This nowhere

All I see is her face

Its weird

When we got in the cop car

Radiohead was on the stereo

singing

God loves his children

God loves his children yeah

Didn’t know how to take it

I hope that girl makes it out of that hospital in one piece

Able to walk and run down the street

I asked an emergency worker if we could check on her but he said no

Its oddly intimate like being in a war together

And the knowledge of the results of intertwining karma seems like relevant and even vital information

But life doesn’t stop being cold and ruthless just because of yer sudden awareness of its frailty

And then she was gone

And I was dealing with a tow truck and unable to feel my feet

Like numb blocks standing in disturbingly fancy boots

I should be more than I am I thought

Strange that there are situations where designer boots can make you feel like an asshole

The EMT workers kept asking us if we were ok

We kept looking at each other and saying

Yeah I think so

A little sore is all

How do we honor this life enough?

How do we protect it enough?

Maybe you cant on both counts

I certainly could do better

Be more present

More generous

More real

More vital

But then we all need and choose pockets of escape

And when the days drone on

It’s easy to take it all for granted

When death isn’t bleeding in a car asking you for help

Or a girl of seventeen

Trying to escape a broken body

A smashed car on the edge of oblivion strangers of fate’s distance trying to tell us something from the place where snow falls

---

2009-02-10

dear reader part 2

This blog

Has moved back here

If it will let me break lines

Like eggs

Over infinity's head

I like the conversation

Although now I'm writing private things(I know what's the difference?)

This blog likes you

And likes to be here

Even if it's just come back to die(in a good way) 

Update! It won't let me break lines! 

Anyone know what happened?

if I can't break lines I will have to learn periods and commas and that could take years!

Help!

---

2009-03-03

goodnight obsessive

testing

test

microphone check

12 12 1234

testing

test

check

hello

---

2009-03-03

Oh he'll never behave correctly

His New York state of mind

All twisted dominoes and psychedeli. Buzz

His hypomania

And sex drive feeding stars

A different kindve euphoria

They light up his path

And devil dust razor games

Even though he's straight he's twisted

All the way up to the moon

Nobody knows him

Least of all himself

Just vessels of life we are

Bodies of consciousness

My friend sarah tangle gave me a copy of Otis Redding

Singing with Staxx

Sam and Dave and others

A co feet in Germany

All of them so beautiful

They were all beauties

And they're all dead or really old

And I think of it

All that life

Like an explosion

A séance

A counterfeit explosion

All that life

Just gone like wind blowing thru yer hair down the street

We are merely vessels

So there is freedom there

And genius just comes thru us

No one possesses anything.

Don't blame me for my creations or love me for them

Just drink clovers and eat sunrises like popcorn at the rise of the infinite

I dream here

Now with you

And now and then

If I lost you goodnight

If yer here

Then get born

My aim is love

The way my heart beats

The way I stay up for days

The way beauties give me eyes and walk away crying

And the way I dream for the sake of it sticking up like hands buried in sand

For someone to hold

Someone hold on and pull us all up out of the last cave in corners of madness

---

2009-03-04

The new kings of this old place

music=

soul beast

noise

skeleton

falling

into flames

to dance

and sing thru skull teeth

rainbows

of twilight dawn surprise

and surrender

It came thru us

Like stray dogs barking

From some hidden junkyard

Where kings hide

With thieves

Who are themselves

The new kings of this old place

---

2009-03-06

give it over (missy baba)

Give it over

Every secret pearl

On yer shoulder

The wait of the world

Plastic stranger

Burning in the sand

Hidden danger

Under every man

(and you)

Now I want to go

To sleep

Now I want to go

To sleep with you

Getting stronger

Under burning skies

Living longer

Under ancient lies

Moving over

The high rise and the kids

The lady falling and dancing on the skids

(with you)

Now I want to go

To sleep

Now I want to go

To sleep with you

Foreign country

The alien and friend

Always hungry

And looking for the end

Missy baba kisses all the dirt

Missy baba holding all the hurt

(for you)

Now I want to go

To sleep

Now I want to go

To sleep with you

---

2009-03-06

Kandinsky is in my room

Kandinsky is in my room

So is Edgar Allen

The shadows dream in color

And that is their final revenge

When we go under

It's nothing but art deco black and white

Andy Warhol submarines

Frying fish of the ages

But shadows they dream rainbows

Shadows are red inside

Shadows cave into fountains of color when we close and avert our eyes

Shadows recognize our poverty

And even pray over us

With minds full of grey

And rapid eyes scanning the bottom of the ocean

Kandinsky is in my room

Smoking a brown cigarette and I ignore him and read my orange book

Until suddenly he says ‘hey’

And as I look up

He turns into shadow

So that the cigarette falls

And the smoke rises slow

Filling the space where his body once was

---

2009-03-06

i have no service

I have no service

Riding back left

Thru the rain

Our van/magic bus

Is yellow

The wipers battling rain as grey covers everything

Even the green fields now yellow from cold

Even the sleepers twitching in dreams

Even road signs and cars passing thru oblivio. Passing

Spinning wheels on the way to the nucleus

Dogma burst horn thrusts the programming of mind

Play the guitar

Eat a biscuit

Watch this life zoom thru you

Unstoppable by rain or heat or voices of dissent

Or angry women

Or bats wishing they were vampires

This life lives thru you as much as you live thru it

Try to avoid starting wars and unite with the witness

I have no service

Just a black seat against my knees

And a too busy head whipping tirades of despair

And why shouldn't I know

No one cares

People envy yer willingness to live

To lead

To take a beating

To give something more

To push the form

So that others may receive glory

After yer throat has been cut and yer creations pissed on

And yet to make it

All the way back to the time when as a child

You observed yerself from a place way up in the sky

When you realized that you were not you but rather some kinda myth or fabrication going thru stations

To help oblivion along with her cause

I have no service

I had no service then

But for a moment I found freedom

And now here I find it again

A vehicle I. A vehicle

A dream withdrawing into itself

Condensing consciousness into form and bleeding sex thru glass eyes and propane

And think of the dream of Jesus

(I have no service)

The epic size of what he imagined

How could something so big be so real and live forever?

What have we done to deserve this?

Maybe all our dreams are that epic

Or maybe we are bored with no service riding in a van thru the rain of grey takeover

All the trees are bare

I wish I could talk to Jesus right now

And not as prayer or in my mind

But brother to real brother

I would ask him

To make his dream mine

And then I would try and disappear

---

2009-03-08

goodnight song

Goodnight song

Hold on

To yer. Crutch

Yer genius only deviates so much

colored balls falling out of the sky

And baby octopus allover the underground (cry)

Crawling in communities

In the sewers of big cities

Bass drums beat from car windows

(for the pretties)

In the nuclear distance

Sleepers sleep with dreams of you

Go hard into yer life

(go hard in follow thru)

Love it for what it is

(For what are mine, hers, and his)

Love it til it is the magnificence you desire

Make it so

(Like diamonds in a fire)

Believe it so

So shall it be

(the window to yer soul

so clear and free)

This lesson took me forever and often I fail

But often I don't

(the wind in the sail)

And the evolution of soul body and spirit is clear

The machine that is man

(the dream that is fear)

Transforms

Grows up

Turns into dust over and over again

And then back into flesh

Born again (a new friend)

Renewed somehow better than before

Rising like an ancient bird from flames (the beast walks out the door)

Purified and vital

Complete in imperfection

(no longer suicidal)

Ready to swoop down

And try again for the dream

And give all the rest to the king!

---

2009-03-16

free freedom

To turn on the sound of each other

To come up from the underground

To no longer be buried alive or a zombie

But to feel ourselves again

As we did when we were children

Running down black and white streets with electric imaginations

I see you here

Locked outside

I want you in

Come inside

I've been lost

A scattered ghost

No kind being

A shadow host

You my guest

I haunt you now

You the best

Still here somehow

Love and light and sin again

Our limitations

Breathe us in

And breathe us out

Swallowed whole

No salvation

Found below

Or in the head

Or in the soul

Wandering always

Takes its toll

London Paris New York you

All the cities

We been too

And back and forth

And here and there

All to say

I really care

And see your moon

And see your glow

The way you walk

And what you show

And what you don't

And what you hide

Sometimes you’re gone

And still inside

Give love

To the clouds

Let it rain

On all the crowds

Let it soak

In everyone

Let it choke

Their need to run

Be the freedom

You want to see

You want to feel

You want to free

Free the freedom

Trapped for now

Free the freedom

And show me how

Make believers

In the sky

In the earth

Pass us by

Mother father

Slave and king

All of us

Should finally sing

Freedom freedom

All around

Freedom freedom

Falling down

Freedom freedom

Under love

Freedom freedom

Up above

Freedom freedom

Me and you

Freedom freedom

Red and blue

White and black

Yellow grey

Take it all

To give away

Freedom in

Freedom out

In a whisper

Freedom shout

Freedom head

Freedom soul

Bury freedom

In a hole

Watch it grow

Manifest

Everyday

You arrest

Freedom locked

In a cage

Swallowed keys

The turning page

In the eyes

The leper sage

In the broom

Sweeping rage

Freedom need

Freedom cure

Give us dreams

Make us pure

Make us you

In the sea

Give us wealth

Make us free

Free the freedom

That you'd be

If you could

Get yourself free

Free the freedom

That you'd be

If you could

Get yourself free

---

2009-03-21

She puts her dust under your fingers

She gives you dust inside your fingers and plays your strings

She moves with lust on the shadows of empty things

She wants you home for the supper and maybe love

You take a down she takes an upper and saves the dove

She says you lack imagination

Answers your fear

And gives you love inside your shadow

Answers you clear

She says give up now surrender

And holds your hands

Holds them up over your shoulder

And makes demands

It's ok to be young

Pretty soon

You'll be gone

You'll be gone

It's ok to be gone

Pretty soon you'll be young you'll be young

She is a nighttime always bleeding

Into light

She is the love you always need

To be right

She is the walk

You’re always walking

In the dark

She is the end that's always coming

Like a spark

She lifts you up to the heavens

But then you fall

And when you think that you could reach her

You here the call

The voice unknown

Is it a shadow?

Is it a fog?

A voice so far just keeps barking

Like some dog

She puts her dust under your fingers

And plays your strings

Then moves with lust under shadows

Of empty things

She says you lack imagination

As you dream her there

She holds your heart like a candle

Burning near

She's like the nighttime always bleeding

Into the light

She's like the love you always need

To be right

She says give up now surrender

With empty hands

You hold them up over your shoulder

As she commands

It's ok to be young

Before long you'll be gone you'll be gone

It's ok to be gone

Before long you'll be young you'll be young

---

2009-03-21

in an old light

In an old light

I see you there

And I know we're real

And if confusion

tears us down

I know we'll come back around

It's all on

Lost signs

It's all on

Lost signs

In the ocean

Of our love

Only drowning men survive

But if you hide me

In your room

Would I still be as alive?

It's all on

Lost signs

It's all on

Lost signs

You're the angel

I know somehow

Helps me sing

And you're the virgin

Pregnant now

With the baby king

It's all on

Lost signs

It's all on

Lost signs

---

2009-03-28

The King of Cleveland

We were holy nights

Lit up pretty good on the big streets

You were the king of Cleveland

Playing blues in the back seats

From biker bars to limousines

You had a manager as pretty as she was mean

And I was in high school

Just checking out your scene

In the half life

But you had the flesh

And she had the knife

Yeah you had the flesh

And she had the knife

She said

C c c cause you are

A superstar

I will cut you

She said

C c c cause you are

A superstar

I will cut you (and she cut you)

The king of Cleveland

Fell with a thud

A heart as big as the ocean

just sank in the mud

of suffering and alcohol

you smoked a joint every time she would call

burning it down

until you did fall

and just kept falling

in the dirty east

everyone feeding

Until you find out you’re the feast

And everyone’s bleeding

The hallelujah son

The Holy Spirit undressing you in front of everyone

And hollow girls blooming over your shoulder until you are done

Erasing your past

A crystal falling into glass

A house of love

A flashing light

With crazy rain

Comes the crazier night

The king of Cleveland

Waking up in the half life

And maybe she has the flesh

And you have the knife

Yeah maybe she has the flesh and you have the knife

But

She says

C c c cause you are

A superstar

I will cut you

Yeah she says

C c c cause you are

A superstar

I will cut you (and she cut you)

We were holy knights

Lit up pretty good on the big streets

You were the king of Cleveland

Playing blues in the back seats

From biker bars to limousines

You had a manager as pretty as she was mean

And I was in high school

Just checking out your scene

And we were only half right

Sweeping up bones

Past the blind sight

In the half life

You had the flesh

And she had the knife

Yeah you had the flesh

And she had the knife

Yeah you had the flesh

She had the knife

You had the flesh

She had the knife

Yeah you had the flesh

And she had the knife

---

2009-03-29

the hillside

Can you give

Your heart

To another

Without

Can you live

Under death

When another

Will steal your breath

We danced along the hillside

She held onto herself

Still we danced along the hillside

I think she needed my help

Can you give

Anything

To another

Afraid to sing

Can you make

a slave a king

Or give a beggar

A diamond ring

We danced along the hillside

She held onto herself

Still we danced along the hillside

I think I needed her help

Can you kill

A shadow thief

With a plastic knife

Or with relief

Can you cure

Stolen grief

From a soul

It's underneath

Can you love

In spite of fear

Can you make it

Back from here

Can you give

Yourself away

Or will you always

Be this way

We danced along the hillside

I hung onto myself

Still we danced along the hillside

I think she needed my help

I think I needed her help

I think she needed my help

I think I needed her help

---

2009-09-02

a self that doesnt exist

It’s time for this again

How did I live without it?

Meditation prayer exercise and spiritual reading

And still the rats caught up with me

Chewing in the center of my brain

A voice emerging from some strange and familiar nowhere

Some homeless home

Where I’ve been living so long

On top of a coffin which is a table holding up potted plants made of plastic and old dreams locked in various stages of manifestation

I let them chew

And just lay there

In the thunderous silence of prayer

In dull thin noise of despair

Which sounds like a rerun and laugh track from burnt out lap top computers

And how did I silence this so long?

And how did I think my dream was this strong?

I’ll tell you how

Up against survival anything is possible

Up against survival

I am free to burn out without grace

In some nowhere garage under the hood of a broken limousine

Because when yer backed against the brink of your own stupid isolation

And idiot desires

Then anything is possible

This throng of words

Thrown up against digital windows for meaningless eyes

To drink up and piss out on the walls of dreams

Cause up against survival we can never know each others dream

Each others mind

We are all locked in the impossibility of isolation

With a self that doesn’t even exist

---

2009-09-13

Judy garland was on the cover of life

protein shake and popcorn

betrayal and green tea

i need to get on my bike today

and ride free

---

2009-09-13

whoever does not believe

I saw a Chinese man

getting head

by an elderly lady

in the darkness

of the entrance

of the Manhattan

Bridge.

As I peddled past them

Her grey head

bobbing

matter of factly

at his crotch

His look of isolation

not being relieved

into a cold stare

of confusion

which ignored

me as I past.

The oddest part

was how perfectly natural

and alright it seemed

This little seedy exposure

It just seemed like nothing

Except for then the realization hit me;

we are entering

a new era in NYC

and so the world;

The collapse of the civilized man.

A Chinese man

getting head

from an elderly lady

at the entrance

of the Manhattan bridge.

somehow they had their finger on the pulse

somehow they are the soul of this falling Mecca

droning into the aftermath

of the end of pleasure

going thru the motion

until something spits

from the void

into the mouth of death.

---

2009-09-16

The problem with god

It’s either all divine

or none of it is

It’s either all consciousness

swooping

into and

out of the

genius of itself or

it’s just time

rotting slowly

against a broken back

(horses in a fading light gallop like the ocean

across our minds turned inside out by a word)

We are

euphoric centers

Of a light

Sometimes

which is overwhelmed

into despair

The problem with god

With belief

versus non belief

Is down

to a word

It’s down

to how we choose

to define

what is here and

apparent to all

We are

swooping

consciousness

We are

blooming

divinity

But there is a word,

which is like

a line in the sand

Divinity

It’s putting a value

on all of this

But everything is

the light

of consciousness

There is obvious

intelligence and beauty

in all that exists

I sometimes feel that the atheists

are the true believers

It takes more faith

to be an atheist

than it does a devout Baptist

To say you are sure

there is nothing

beyond what is seen

When what is seen

is already beyond

what can be understood

is a cry of

faith

A faith that to my mind

is more extreme

than a faith in a man

who can walk on water

or make others believe he did

It’s crazy

how much blood

is spilled

over questions

of religion

When every breath

you take is the universe

breathing into itself

Every breath you take

is god breathing

It’s either all divine

or none of it is

Look at the ocean

lit up by the moon

crashing into sand and dancing on your feet,

as the shadows play

with forms in the sand

greater than any work of art,

which hangs in museums

And watch

as the forms are changed

And watch

how they are always changing

Across all the shorelines

of all the beaches

In all this world

and the doubtless

countless others

Creation.

Manifest

Divinity speaking to the silence

In us all

The impossible witness

Yer consciousness

is mine is his is their’s

It’s one

(she smiles and lifts the glass up to your lips)

Call it what you want

But how can you not believe

in what you are?

Beyond the mind

Or the ego, which identifies with only the tiniest part

We are free

And bigger

than all of life

We are all of life

and reaching into

and through out death

Our beings

flying into darkness

asking ourselves to be forgiven

When life finally ends

---

2009-09-18

Nightclothes (from the night before)

The sun is out

I got no shades

The moon in my pocket

I got it made

Riding my bike

For a free guitar

Sweating in leather

My eye is the scar

She scratched me awake

Must’ve been a bad dream

A drop of blood or a tear

And a kiss for a scream

Say a prayer for my sister

Drink my coffee down

The jukebox is blaring

An old fashioned sound

The street kids are walking

With books made of junk

With words drinking on them

Until they are drunk

Voices in echoes

Stir into noise

The soundtrack of chaos

Girls beating boys

I’m in my nightclothes

Still from the night before

Too many layers

And I can’t reach the floor

All the time floating

On a bike made of wings

Sweating and laughing

As my lost angel sings

Deep in hells kitchen

With hookers and saints

Workers of metal

And gypsies with paints

Spraying on people

On city brick walls

Who somehow can listen

When euphoria calls

The world is a flood

Of music and light

Of day bleeding backwards

In the folly of night

The city must be

Where gods like to hang

Their monkey hearts beat

Like drums in the rain

Here in my city

I’m blessed and I’m cursed

Not nearly the best

But close to the worst

Blessed are the meek

The rodents

The slaves

For we are still close

To exploding the graves

To dance here with death

And music and light

Thru agony days

And the freedom of night

I’m in my nightclothes

The coffee is gone

To move thru the veins

Of this old city’s song

The laughter the music

The tears are the words

The melody suspended

Like wires and birds

Floating and changing

Resolved to be free

The light that’s in you

Is in them and in me

---

2009-09-26

the dream hasn’t changed but i have

The dream hasn’t changed but I have

The night rearranged and gone mad

The traffic on the bridge is broken

And to my lost love ive spoken the words

You should never say

The dream hasn’t changed but you did

The truth could be blamed or just stay hid

Behind the laughter and phony smiles

The clapping hands and dated styles

The kids have gone away

Cant you see

What you really did

Cant you feel who you are?

Maybe you can just turn around and be free

Live the life you want in a movie

Yer the actor with a missing part\

You still feel yer missing heart

It burns in the sun

Credits role

You disappear and its over

So many missing tears

And youre older

You don’t have an alibi

Or even the will to cry

You salute forgotten men

Cant you see

What you really did

Cant you feel who you are?

The night is too long and lonely

I wish you were here if only

I kept my mouth shut the moneys gone

Broken down in the silence of song

We sing for lost friends

The dreams haven’t changed but we did

Dancing in the confines of an old grid

Last chance to get it right

Like dying birds in the youth of flight

We still think

That we could win

Cant you see

What you really did

Cant you feel who you are?

The dream hasn’t changed but I have

The night rearranged and gone mad

The traffic on the bridge is broken

And to my lost love ive spoken the words

You should never say

---

2009-09-28

38

It’s my birthday

38

Hung up less

And kinda great

Just broke thru

Relationship

In the middle

Of a dip

Up swing come

Down time now

In the future

A how and wow

New surprises

Just a head

Must be grateful

Could be dead

Life’s not fair

I’m glad for that

I’ve been a loom

From thin to fat

From fat to thin

From peace to noise

From noise to bliss

From knives to toys

Stabbing ghosts

Killing souls

With cheap wonder

Filling holes

Giving less

More to give

Dying no

Still want to live

Say yes to life

And pray with me

38

And just now free

A blessed man

I walk alone

Naked fire

Skin and stone

Surrender under

Vacant skies

For all my sins

Apologize

Deeply sorry

Somewhat proud

God have mercy

When I am loud

Slow to anger

Pray to think

Glad I’m sober

Don’t wanna drink

Like the clear

Translucent sky

Open now

To my third eye

Buddha seat

Meditate

Happy birthday

38

---

2009-09-28

thats what i like

That’s what I like

Loneliness and suffering

Blues and the dying wing

And then a move into prayer

And the will to dream

That’s what I like

Punk rock Sundays

With rain pouring down

Horns in the distance

Of no one around

Kids and fat mothers

And songs you can’t sing

The will of a beggar to one day be king

That’s what I like

TVs on fire

Games you can’t win

Love as it’s ending

When it truly begins

Goths holding hands

This is serious stuff

Like a clown with no make up

Or someone calling your bluff

With your life on the table

And junk in your hands

Your heart held for ransom

You can’t meet their demands

Lattes in the evening

Sleep all day long

Born to be wild

To sing your own song

That’s what I like

Rock n roll clichés

Road trips in clunkers

Voodoo holidays

Witches and lepers

Friends of disease

Brutal forgetters

And times on your knees

Begging for mercy

Searching for light

Holding a candle

An impossible night

Dark never ending

Mice in your home

Broken and burning

Like a statue in Rome

Carolina where are you?

Othello and you

Watch rain disappear

In the infinite zoo

Birds fly of paper

Robots and glue

Sniff till the carcass

Is no longer blue

A zombie now dancing

Back from the dead

You laugh in the cosmos

Inside your head

That’s what I like

Lucidity and waterfall

Ignoring

Though you hear the call

Still wanting

Though you have it all

On your feet

And the need to crawl

That’s what I like

Nudity

And well wishers

Brutality

And gossip dishers

Consistency

And shape shifters

Honesty

And holy grifters

We all get moment to dream

And somebody blows out the candle.

That’s what I like

That moment

Tiny smoke curling in the air

A spirit

A ghost

Consciousness once held captive

Now free

To be

Where light is never absent

And darkness just a dream

That’s what I like

---

2009-10-04

A poet must reserve the right to write badly

A poet must reserve the right to write badly

A singer must sing off key

A lover must be comfortable lazy

As all life just falls in the sea

The waves wash up old battles

as lies just scatter like roaches in light

The feet of consequence come crushing

Their bodies bleed darkness in infinite night

A poet must write a bad poem

A genius must surrender his will

A killer must pray for forgiveness

Even during the act of the kill

A thief just steals from her future

Her poverty buried in greed

The cuts can not heal or be seen here

But the cuts they still endlessly bleed

The best songs will never be sung here

Most beauty will never be seen

Grace is forever in hiding

And love is a terrible thing

God is corruption when guided

Man is confusions best friend

Wars are waged through definitions

And lust is the door to the end

The mission is never forgotten

Though we still pretend to forget

The battle is waged in our minds

Which sink in the sea of regret

Our soldiers of fortune are drowning

All the explosions have finally stopped

Love is still louder than bombs

Except bombs that have never been dropped

They are the loudest among us

Our dreams they are terrible things

Mental and madness the mercy

Pretending that you are the king

Until in the moment you are

The one at the top of the hill

Where gods hand descends from the sky

And picks you up just like a pill

Popped in his mouth now you’re swallowed

Into his infinite bliss

The darkness and light intermingle

And finally its all just been mixed

You see no way out but don’t want to

You finally love where you are

In heaven or hell or just waiting

To trade yourself in for a star

A bright point of light in the cosmos

You trail as you shoot through the sky

As friends and your family pray for you

In a box where your soul cannot die

Your funeral finally over

They bury you into the earth

Born into darkness the light comes

To open the legs of rebirth

A poet must write a bad poem

A singer must finally stop

A lover must leave you in darkness

As each beggar will soon reach the top

A poet must write a bad poem

Just like this one you have read

As life is a curse in the living

As mercy will come for the dead

---

2009-10-23

Here the Virgin Mary prays for Che

Here the Virgin Mary prays for Che

And Jesus watches over sweet rolls and mavericks

Bo Diddley’s guitar hangs on the wall

And all the waitresses are natural beauties but not in the obvious ways

The jukebox sings soul flowers about giving gifts back to the love gone

As over us all

like a demon god

A skeleton hangs from the ceiling along with a ridiculous canoe

and a soccer player is hiding something behind his back

Half faces dangle in half time

And the food would satisfy kings

But only before they were kings

Power can’t survive here

Or anywhere where the walls are alive

And the people only bend to their own will

And maybe this is just an idealized version of what actually is

But it’s my version after a sleepless night in Zurich

Like an anchor with cleats hanging off it

A room of hidden masterpieces

Where angels meet people and remind them

That there is something more than all this

Or what can be seen with demystified eyes

Something that is worth fighting for

A place where the walls live with us

And tremble without moving

---

2009-10-29

The humanity fade

We are connected to the main frame

Connected to the wire

Connected to the human brain

Of roses and fire

We are connected to cyber space

Connected to death

The only thing we never feel

Is the weight of our breath

Out here in the country

With night coming on

Connected now to nothing

Like dogs in a storm

Apocalypse is coming

Here come the undead

Marching in chaos

Like the thoughts in yer head

We are connected to the main frame

With our souls plugged in

Our spirits are now digital

Like electrical sin

We are figments of the Internet

It’s hand reaching out

Bleeding through our eyes

And in the heart of our drought

The desert here is empty

Our cure is disease

Our god is on a screen

Our sky on its knees

The rain of pollution

The fog of ideas

There is no absolution

Just crocodile tears

Here comes the revolution

No army to beat

No big bomb exploding

Or cyanide to eat

Computer domination

A world without bounds

A soul in mutilation

Like the silence of sounds

Here come the revolution

Electronically made

The death of evolution

The humanity fade

---