POEMS : 2012

its funny

its funny

us humans

we celebrate these points

in life

we agree on the date

and this is when we know things are changing

time is getting us old

we let go of the past

we are new again

redefined

we expect it will get better now

we hope

we celebrate

its funny

we wish each other well

and then the year changes and we change with it

we are given another chance and still another

and maybe its enough

maybe its true what they say

when they say

never give up

and your dreams will come true

never give up

and love will hunt you down

and take you hostage

and you'll hope you never escape

and maybe you never will

and i hope this for you

---

Resolution

1 become more free

2 work with abandon and without the hoax of identity

3 exercise as if its still possible to be a super hero

4 learn to eat like a monk who devotes everything to God

5 learn to play as if the devil wears your boots

6 sing like you found the bottom of your soul and still keep digging

7 make the internet difficult to get too

8 read more than three books

9 try and join the human race

10 try to wake up by noon

11 try and sleep before five am

12 record as if its your love letter to oblivion (it is!)

13 love

14 more love

15 even more love

16 until there is only love

17 and then love

18 do laundry more than once a month

19 travel sometime for no reason or purpose

20 eclipse fear

21 learn how to fit the moon in your pocket

22 learn how to swallow the sun

23 allow dreams to come and be true

24 stay sober

25 be more in the moment than the moment before

26 take risks

27 accept and forgive

28 believe and have faith

29 redeem and prosper

30 ride your bike

31 paint life into a corner until it can only jump down your throat

32 then dance like nobody else

33 and carve from invisible stone your true love

34 and ride (with them) the stars of mercy into mercy

35 and give everything to everyone

36 be generous

37 occupy

38 inspire by being inspired

39 retire without hesitation the things that are no good

40 accept yourself with love

---

They'll swallow you with indifference

They'll swallow you with indifference

They'll make you a cartoon

They'll convince some that yer foolish

They'll cast you as a loon

Their fear, it makes them nervous

And you remind them that they're small

When you reveal your fragile heart

And throw it at the wall.

and some may pick it up

and some may run away

a new one will appear

as old ones turn to clay

friends you thought you knew

will up and disappear

and strangers coming thru

will bring vision strong and clear

don't let them in your mind

don't let them in your head

the lifeless turning blind

who'd rather see you dead

you must remain unhinged

delicate but strong

to create a different world

where only you belong

but open you must be

to let them in and fall

to grow the human tree

and break the human wall

they will call you names

but only talk to god

and just smile like the sun

when they say that you are odd

They'll swallow you with indifference

They'll make you a cartoon

They'll convince some that yer foolish

They'll cast you as a loon

Their fear, it makes them nervous

And you remind them that they're small

When you reveal your fragile heart

And throw it at the wall.

Life has been

Bigger than I've made it

Mexico has taught me

So much

The ghosts of my old sins

Find me here

But vaporize

And disappear

And all I see is love

Surrounding the people

Who surround me

Embracing the source

---

La Pulga

Everything looked like a treasure And spoke to me

Masks made of cardboard and painted red for el diablo (he said only listen to me)

And painted white for a goat (he said take a break)

And painted flesh for a girl (she said buy me candy)

And painted grey for a wolf (he said kill the girl)

And painted white again for a skull ( he said lighten up)

All floated towards me

Walking with phantom limbs no one else could see

Spoke to me

wooden antique dolls with clothes worn by age

fell on a mirror which cracked as it stole my reflection

Straining to hear the tiny voices carved from wood

(they said we have died already)

a skull on a stick with beans inside

Rattled my cage

Like a cobra or a cactus or a cross or a comb

Shaking his head with rage

I only had to laugh to stop him

And yet I let him shake

With the music of fear

As I moved on to

a jade necklace with a warrior god face

Sold to me by a shaman with an unwavering expression

He said its for luck and protection

He also gave me

a knife with an eagle on the handle

Partially broken

In a leather sheath

(I tried to make him smile but he did not)

I put it in my pocket and walked outside

Past the old automatic watches which could start and stop time for the price of a dance

Where the sky cut all of us down to size

And still

Everything looked like a treasure to me

sing this to any Ramones song

---

The Van Song

Where's my van

I ain't no

Peter pan

I ain't no

Son of Sam

I don't have

A silver hand

Where's my van

I got no

Master plan

I'm not sure

Who I am

I live in

A tiny can

I got no

Hundred grand

Come on man

Come on man

Where's my van?

I ain't blaming no

New York cop

I ain't blaming

My ma and pop

I just don't want to

Ever stop

And I'll keep going

Til I drop

I need it back

My mobile home

It ain't a biscuit or a

Telephone

It ain't a copter or a

Dead end train

I swear it knows

When I'm feeling pain

Me and that thing we

Are in sync

I won't drive her if I

Had a drink

I won't drive her when she's

Out of gas

But when she's with me

We both

Have more class

Now I'm walking every

Where I go

And with equipment

I just go to slow

I need that thing

To take me there

I need that thing

To get anywhere

She was my baby

Now she's

Lost in space

And my friends

Can see it

On my face

They say what's wrong

And I say I don't know

Where my van is

Or where to go

Where's my van

I ain't no

Peter pan

I ain't no

Son of Sam

I don't have

A silver hand

Where's my van

I got no

Master plan

I'm not sure

Who I am

I live in

A tiny can

I got no

Hundred grand

Come on man

Come on man

Where's my van?

---

We Spark When We're Damned

We all have secrets

We all have shame

We all have lovers

Who damn us with blame

We all have monkeys

Alive on our back

We all have someone

We want to attack

We all have doubt

And we all have pain

We all have days

When we wish it would rain

To stay inside

With our head buried down

Throw us in dirt

Under the ground

We all have wisdom

That we let fall away

As we're letting the moron

Inside of us play

As we let in the thief

And the one who still kills

Anyone standing

We're emptiness fills

We all have justice

Inside of us burn

Another old lesson

We try to unlearn

We all have weapons

We all have sin

As we wish we could still

Do it over again

We all have masks

We all have guilt

Burning the houses

Our suffering built

Burning the dreams

Our madness in hand

The match is our mind

We spark when we're damned

We all have blue prints

With nothing to build

As suffering calls us

Pain we have willed

We all have hatred

We all have guts

Cut as they fall out

The gnarliest ruts

We all have walk outs

We all have greed

We all have no way

To get what we need

We all have liars

We all still lie

As we look in ourselves

And pray to get by

We all have mischief

We all regret

Confused in the sorrow

That's dry when we're wet

Held in the mission

As we fall thru the void

We all hear whispers

that say we're destroyed

We all want silence

We all want peace

But still we choose chaos

And heartbreak's release

We all want power

And we all want love

Few of us get there

None to speak of

We all swim illusions

Until each of them drown

Into the darkness

We aim to get down

We all want freedom

But none here are free

It ain't you my friend

And I know it ain't me

So alas there's forgiveness

And all you condemn

The ghost full of hunger

The silence of men

Alas there's forgiveness

You must start with yourself

Tho I know it ain't easy

With your life on a shelf

Alas there's forgiveness

And nothing much more

Forgive the leper,

the thief and the whore

Forgive the judge, forgive the cop

Forgive what you start

And what you can't stop

Forgive the beast

Who feeds inside you

Forgive you must

For what else can you do?

All those voices silenced

No part of the fight

Or the cause

Like dust

They blew off the face

Of buildings coming down

All those wings

Crashing

To take off

In a different flight

To join the light

Away from here

Light we can only dream about

But never see

Until we

Like them

Are swallowed by its brightness

All those dreams stolen

And returned to the source

Like seeds planted

In another dimension

Where time has no more hands or borders

Where silence is the heart of all things

And where darkness extends into forever

And screams are never heard.

---

RNDM tour journal

Barely slept so

after the alarm went off at 530 am

I kept sleeping

somehow woke up anyway without much time to spare

and made it to JFK two minutes late for check in but they let me thru

I didn't sleep a wink on the plane, though thoroughly exhausted

it was a connecting flight to Missoula, connecting in Minneapolis

a woman wearing shorts got on the plane right before it took off

and leaned into my shoulder as she looked for a seat

I wondered if it was on purpose

she sat in the row ahead of me and glanced back

I noticed her giant wedding ring

and kept reading my book

as the flight went on I saw an empty row in the back and moved myself there

the next flight

squeezed, i think, next to an academic who kept typing loudly

starting to get moody as hell from lack of sleep

the flight lasted longer than two hours but I finally showed up at baggage claim in Missoula where

Jeff and Richard were waiting

once at Jeff's we set up the gear straight away

in his basketball court room/studio in the mountains of Montana

I was exhausted but we started playing thru somethings anyway

sounded a bit rough and my brain was a short circuit

I said lets get a coffee knowing what I needed was full on sleep.

As we drank our tea Jeff brought out boxes with matching shoes

Nikes we designed and orange jumpsuits

Richard put his on over his clothes so I did and then Jeff did

and we put on the shoes

suddenly we were matched and our energy and laughter got better

we started powering thru some of the more difficult songs

and ended up getting quite a bit done considering exhaustion.

The snow was falling in giant flakes outside and I saw two deer,

this is how winter began in 2012.

We went out to dinner and then had a snowball fight

Jeff threw the first one

lobbed past my head as I left the restaurant stunned.

We came back to the place and worked on Nina Simone's Ain't Got no and mashed it up with the Clash's mag 7

but soon called it a night and I fell asleep hard with mad dreams

the kind that flood in so vivid in direct relation to sleep depravation.

I slept hard until now,

dawn just beginning,

first light thru the cracks in the blinds.

---

103012

We've been here 4 days now,

doing nothing but focusing on playing.

Its great to sequestered for that reason,

no distraction.

This has been really healthy for me

I feel like i'm sleeping in a deeper way,

no more Ambien to help knock me out.

I wake up really early,

only sleep five or six hours but its pure sleep.

We go into town most nights for dinner

but then we are right back in the compound

jamming thru the tunes.

I'm focusing on lyrics but there's also guitar playing and sounds,

basically a lot to do.

20 or so songs to really learn in a short amount of time.

Everyones getting along and the days are filled with laughter.

Last night Brett came and listened to us play down the set and gave us notes

(Brett who engineered and mixed ACTS and who is going on the road with us as TM and front of house sound)

We cut two covers we've been working on.

Ain't got no by Nina Simone and I think of Demons by Roky Erickson

they both came out great!

On another note

I've been taking a ton of photos with my iphone and posting em,

yesterday i went on a run with Richard which is tough in this thin air,

and on my way back

I caught an image of a rainbow over the valley,

spectacular views here.

Getting away from home and the confines of my little world,

and breathing mountain air and sleeping without Ambien

I think I'm hitting a reset button and it feels really good

plus I'm playing guitar like a demon

tomorrow is our first gig

Halloween!

and right now NYC is being pounded by hurricane Sandy.

Its a strange feeling to be away from home when its being bombarded

---

103112

We spent most of the day

or the whole day and thru the evening recording.

Three covers

(Ain't got no, I think of Demons, Like a Train by the psychedelic furs)

and three originals

which i wrote the words to 2 and sung on the spot

and the third I used a poem I already had, which fit perfectly.

The band is an evolving living thing.

Its real and very exciting to be a part of.

I love making music on my own,

but I must say there is something spectacular about being in a real band,

where everyone is pulling their weight and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Its similar to being in a relationship.

You almost cant decide when that is gonna happen,

much less when its going to be real,

so when it does happen,

it feels like a tremendous blessing.

You watch yourself evolve a different facet of your personality,

or in this case a different side of music.

I guess when creativity is at its most magical

it feels like a culmination,

or like everything in your life has led you to now.

There is no denying

the layers of meaning dancing all around,

or that somehow the Gods are involved and smiling on high.

Of course this could all just be fantasy,

but what are we without our dreams?

And in that sense, what could be more real than our dreams?

Never am I more grateful than when really overcome by creativity.

Its like living in the pocket of your purpose.

As futile as it can all seem sometimes,

Its not.

Its really not.

Tonight is our first show,

and today we are going over the set and Brett is making roughs of what we recorded.

Its just now 8 am and I've been getting up everyday around this time or earlier.

And i must say,

I love the dawn,

and when it starts my day not when it ends my night,

I love the dawn

and it feels like its all dawning on me now.

---

110312

Two shows down.

The first on halloween night in Missoula,

which was a bit rough

but still great energy.

Small room and we were loud.

Pretty full with people coming in and out from other rooms of the club,

dressed as monsters and politicians and super heroes.

We were wearing orange of course

(cept Jeff who sent stuff ahead to NYC)

I completely blew the last song

cover of Ain't Got No mashed with mag 7 by the clash.

One a testimony about letting go of this world and embracing soul essence,

the other about fighting for your dreams in the material world

(at least thats how i make sense of it)

So when I got back to Jeff's I went over Ain't Got No 100 times before bed (NO LIE!)

try and memorize it yourself and you'll see its a real challenge

but if you want to dance with Nina you best be prepared.

We flew all day the next day to NYC

and driving into the city

(I split off from those guys to go home to brooklyn)

to see for myself that somehow i was spared from the ravages of Sandy

a miracle considering i live near the water,

but with construction on my street,

the whole street dug out basically,

I think it acted as a mote, and took the water for me.

Very Lucky.

Everything in my place was elevated by friends,

Even my piano was up on blocks

lucky as well that i have good friends looking out for me.

Driving from Newark thru downtown Manhattan was beyond surreal.

Everything completely blacked out.

Seeing NYC as a ghost town is bizarre

and its vulnerability made a real impression.

Listening to the radio and the reports of a mother who lost two young sons from her arms while

trying to get to a shelter broke my heart absolutely.

The weight of what went down hit me hard.

I love New York and the people here and tho I'm proud to be from Ohio,

I've lived here for more than 15 years and it is home.

The next day we had our show at Williamsburg music hall and getting a car to the venue was impossible.

The whole city out of gas,

and all the car companies weren't answering phones.

Ehud had to come from Williamsburg and pick me up

I walked into the venue and Jeff and Richard were already there tweaking sounds.

Jeff got us amps from Fender

and i had two twins tolexed in orange sitting beside each other,

what a thrill!

Also i expanded my pedals or sonic paints as i like to think of them,

and got busy setting up and arranging them.

There is a logic to them that must be followed,

delays reverbs and pitch based things like choruses and phasers should be run

after gain based things like overdrives and fuzzes.

I spend embarrassing amounts of time researching this stuff on the web.

I love videos of people comparing different pedals.

There is a whole culture of people who obsess over this stuff,

and i am a nerd for it.

We went out for noodles after soundcheck and then

went over some songs before the show backstage while getting into our orange gear.

David Garza opened the show and he is mind blowing.

A brilliant musician and songwriter and one that you should check out if you haven't already.

Then we went on and did much better than our first one.

The energy was just as good if not better and we were much tighter,

and i didn't really blow any songs.

Now we are on our bus about to play the Black Cat in DC.

Its nice to ride in style and be liberated from the van for a bit

(tho I'm still grateful i got it back!)

all in all the adventures of RNDM is off to a great start.

---